Letters to the Editor
I will never forget what I was wearing during my assaults. At the time, I never would have imagined my brain would latch onto such a minute detail. I wasn’t dressed slutty. What a shame it is that I must clarify I was dressed “modestly” at the time of my attacks. I don’t need to explain this to any man or woman who has lived through this.
We know our clothes are not sending any messages. I’m not talking about mini skirts implying sexual readiness. Oh no. I’m talking about my favorite pair of leggings I was forced to throw in the dumpster because I couldn’t dare feel them on my body again. I’m talking about the night shirt I wore for three days in a row after remembering the black out. The shirt should have stayed on me, but instead was stripped off and discarded. Much like my dignity that very morning.
I’m talking about the shorts that were used to wipe off the mess you left on my body. A mess I wasn’t conscious enough to clean myself. I’m talking about the sweatshirt my roommate picked out for me the day I decided to speak up. One sleeve used for my snot and tears, and the other used for her snot and tears.
He transferred to play basketball an hour away after word spread. Was he embarrassed of what his friends would say? Or was he scared of what I would do when I started to remember? I’ll never forget staring at the words “Cape May” across my mom’s shirt. I couldn’t meet her eyes as I confessed I had been raped. It had been easier to look at her shirt and avoid her eyes. Seeing the pain and disappointment escaping her face would surely break me. “You don’t understand how it feels!” I shouted in defense to her silence and head shaking. I can feel her internal struggle to find words.
“I do know how it feels.”
Hearing those words changed me forever. No one is protected from being sexually abused. Not even the people who raised you. We can do our best to spread awareness, hold each other tight and pray to god that they get what’s coming for them, but this only goes so far. We are discouraged as victims to step forward.
Don’t believe me? How many times have we seen mandated reporters fall short? Men remaining in power regardless of the multiple sexual assault accusations on them? We live in a society where even as students we are not protected from predators. The people we thought we could trust end up being the ones who abuse us and destroying our trust.
For me it was a teacher in middle school who started the cycle of abuse I would see for years to follow. My teacher in high school thought no one had seen what he did, but he was wrong because my classmate saw he had touched me, and as tears filled my eyes my classmate tried to comfort me after what had happened. When I reported [this], I was told it was my fault it happened as I dressed like a temptress, tempting him as I distracted him from teaching.
Whether it was my best guy friend throwing me against the wall, grabbing my throat leaving marks during the school day. No one listened or believed me and my story to a gang member assaulting me while at my place of work and HR not doing their job protecting me, but their company name.
Being told nothing would be done about my situation when I came forward, while he knew I had stepped forward, he became angry. This was a breach of privacy as I told this was confidential since I was a minor. I can no longer enter Williamsport without fear of seeing him or seeing someone who looks like him.
How can we allow this cycle to happen and not break the chain to protect women in our country who face this problem? Part of the appeal for men is that they know victims won’t come forward because of the slut shaming or being told it was our fault by how we dressed in the situation. One of the primary reasons women don’t come forward to report sexual harassment or assault is shame.
Shame is at the core of the intense emotional wounding women and men experience when they are sexually violated. Our voices will no longer be silenced, we will speak up and demand justice. I will not be victimized any more as I will use my voice to stand up and speak out against sexual assault and the stigma that surrounds it.
If you are in need of help please feel free to contact the LHU Public Safety at (570) 484-2278, the HOPE center at (570)-484-2111, or the National Sexual Assault hotline at (800) 656-4673.
The Eagle Eye is the student run newspaper of Lock Haven University.
